random thoughts

The seasons are changing. Its getting very chilly...but I'm starting to feel like a true New Englander. I enjoy this frisky weather.

I have been feeling down about some things going on at school. In our program (I'm sure all programs) we have qualifying exam in the begining of the PhD program. We all took this exam after we finished courses, and it is sort of like a right of passage to move on. There are 2 parts, one is a written and the latter is an oral exam where the committee can ask you about pretty much anything you learned in the last 2 years. I remember the months studying for this exam was most possibly the most stressful period in my life. I think I just barely passed the exam, but I've never felt good about it. Every year, the new student going through this will speak to the senior students to do a mock exam and talk about delivery of answer etc etc. Anyway, this year for some reason people are failing left and right. I'm feeling SO bad about this. After I talk with a student, I get emotionally attached to them and when they fail, i feel like its somehow my fault. Also, it makes me question why I passed and why I am here. Am I qualified enough? People say that when you become unsure of yourself and feel like you know nothing is when you know you are ready to graduate. If this is the case, then I can graduate tomorrow...

So finally I got all the financial stuff figured out to get a "new" used car. I'm looking through craigslist...I am looking at Toyotas and Hondas. What are other cheap reliable cars that is "safe" to buy used? I'll have to do some more research. I'm giving myself 2 weeks to purchase a car.

When listening to people who can speak more than one language, I've always found it interesting that their voice sounds different from one language to another. I've been told that my voice gets slightly lower when I speak Japanese. But recently I've been thinking that maybe the difference is beyond just the tone of the voice. I've been wondering if we become a different person depending on the language we speak. I feel a little different when I speak Japanese versus English. I can't explain how, it may be because I feel more comfortable speaking English. And I do feel that when I speak Japanese I follow the cultural rules of Japan - I don't know entirely what I mean, but I feel a distinct difference.

Now when I listen to my friends speak their language, I wonder if the person I know is the same as the person speaking the language I can't understand. It sounds silly, I know...but I can't shake the feeling that there is a whole different person that I'll never get to know (well, that is unless I learn their language).

There is a seasonal muffin at Dunkin donuts called the pumpkin muffin. It is quite sweet, but really really good. But, you shouldn't eat with coffee because then you will be bouncing off the wall from all the sugar and caffeine. Much like myself this morning.

Does everyone need to be with someone, or are there people who are better at being alone? If so, if you are someone who needs to be coupled up, does this mean we are somehow weaker?

“…meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife…”. This is not ironic. It's a fuckin' tragedy. Damn it.

This morning as I was walking to work, I came across a woman that was yelling into her cell phone "but it won't play! What else am I suppose to do?!". As I followed her line of sight, I found that she was frantically shaking her ipod. I know the feeling! I wanted to ask her if she had tried rebooting the thing, but she continued to speak on her cell phone. We were walking in the same direction, and I waited to see if she would get off the phone but she never did and then she walked away...so I lost my chance. Come to think of it now though, she probably would have thought I was a psycho. The ipod is an integral part of my sanity for the commute, so it pains me to think someone else's is not working...