random thoughts

Fall is here

2005-10-03T07:56:00.000-05:00

The seasons are changing. Its getting very chilly...but I'm starting to feel like a true New Englander. I enjoy this frisky weather.

I have been feeling down about some things going on at school. In our program (I'm sure all programs) we have qualifying exam in the begining of the PhD program. We all took this exam after we finished courses, and it is sort of like a right of passage to move on. There are 2 parts, one is a written and the latter is an oral exam where the committee can ask you about pretty much anything you learned in the last 2 years. I remember the months studying for this exam was most possibly the most stressful period in my life. I think I just barely passed the exam, but I've never felt good about it. Every year, the new student going through this will speak to the senior students to do a mock exam and talk about delivery of answer etc etc. Anyway, this year for some reason people are failing left and right. I'm feeling SO bad about this. After I talk with a student, I get emotionally attached to them and when they fail, i feel like its somehow my fault. Also, it makes me question why I passed and why I am here. Am I qualified enough? People say that when you become unsure of yourself and feel like you know nothing is when you know you are ready to graduate. If this is the case, then I can graduate tomorrow...

used cars

2005-09-29T09:33:00.000-05:00

So finally I got all the financial stuff figured out to get a "new" used car. I'm looking through craigslist...I am looking at Toyotas and Hondas. What are other cheap reliable cars that is "safe" to buy used? I'll have to do some more research. I'm giving myself 2 weeks to purchase a car.

Same person?

2005-09-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

When listening to people who can speak more than one language, I've always found it interesting that their voice sounds different from one language to another. I've been told that my voice gets slightly lower when I speak Japanese. But recently I've been thinking that maybe the difference is beyond just the tone of the voice. I've been wondering if we become a different person depending on the language we speak. I feel a little different when I speak Japanese versus English. I can't explain how, it may be because I feel more comfortable speaking English. And I do feel that when I speak Japanese I follow the cultural rules of Japan - I don't know entirely what I mean, but I feel a distinct difference.

Now when I listen to my friends speak their language, I wonder if the person I know is the same as the person speaking the language I can't understand. It sounds silly, I know...but I can't shake the feeling that there is a whole different person that I'll never get to know (well, that is unless I learn their language).

pumpkin muffin

2005-09-21T16:46:00.000-05:00

There is a seasonal muffin at Dunkin donuts called the pumpkin muffin. It is quite sweet, but really really good. But, you shouldn't eat with coffee because then you will be bouncing off the wall from all the sugar and caffeine. Much like myself this morning.

Better singletons

2005-09-20T07:53:00.000-05:00

Does everyone need to be with someone, or are there people who are better at being alone? If so, if you are someone who needs to be coupled up, does this mean we are somehow weaker?

It isn't ironic

2005-09-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

“…meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife…”. This is not ironic. It's a fuckin' tragedy. Damn it.

I feel your pain

2005-09-13T09:09:00.000-05:00

This morning as I was walking to work, I came across a woman that was yelling into her cell phone "but it won't play! What else am I suppose to do?!". As I followed her line of sight, I found that she was frantically shaking her ipod. I know the feeling! I wanted to ask her if she had tried rebooting the thing, but she continued to speak on her cell phone. We were walking in the same direction, and I waited to see if she would get off the phone but she never did and then she walked away...so I lost my chance. Come to think of it now though, she probably would have thought I was a psycho. The ipod is an integral part of my sanity for the commute, so it pains me to think someone else's is not working...

9/9/05

2005-09-09T06:01:00.000-05:00

Our school, as many other schools around the country, will be hosting some students from colleges that have been affected by Katrina. I was thinking as I was reading the notice sent out by our university president about the graduate students at these institutions. I cannot imagine losing everything (data, animals, cells etc etc) and having to start over. I'm glad that many schools are supporting these students.

just us?

2005-09-07T15:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was totally depressing. Not for any particular reason, but there were many things clumped together. I was speaking with a girlfriend, and we decided it was the late 20s, trying to figure life out blues. Then we wondered...do men go through these things too?

9/6/05

2005-09-06T14:56:00.000-05:00

There are probably a million reasons why people don't express how they truely feel to someone. Maybe its because they don't want to get hurt, or they want to avoid hurting the other person, or they like to tell someone what they think they want to hear, or they verbalize what they think they should be feeling instead of what they are truely feeling. The list is probably endless. I probably do this more than I should. I don't know why, and I catch myself doing this more these days. Its like sometime I am pretending to be someone else or no good reason.

Every once in a while you meet someone who calls you on it. It is like this person sees right through you, and it is very scary. I'm not sure if it is the lack of sleep or whatever, but I am feeling very much out of balance right now.

old money

2005-08-31T09:58:00.000-05:00

Last night I stayed at a friend's who is renting a room of a house. Apparently this family comes from old money and the house was HUGE. It reminded me of the Vanderbilt mansions down in newport. It wasn't as big as that (of course), but the decor was similar. I felt like I was in a museum or something. They had so many old books, dated early 1900, late 1800. It was amazing. What a life it must be to grow up that wealthy. Although I must say I felt a little uncomfortable. If I had to live in a house that big, I'd probably end up staying in one room of the house. This neighborhood was all similar, with gigantic houses. Such a different world. But I don't think I'd want to be a part of that, not that anyone is offering...

hm...

2005-08-30T08:46:00.000-05:00

This from Rafe's via PBS. Its somewhat accurate.

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Long Monday

2005-08-29T10:02:00.000-05:00

Being hung over at work sucks.

Life goes on...

2005-08-24T15:22:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling kind of sad. I've become really good friends with a guy from abroad, and he will be leaving soon. Sure we may keep in touch for a month or two, maybe (but not likely) years, but then it'll just fade. I can't remember how many times this has happened before. I know there are some people who are able to keep in touch with people they meet, but if I don't see people then the communication tends to stop. I haven't forgotten any of them... Its sad that at one point I had a real connection with these people, and now I don't even know where some of them are. I guess such is life. Every once in a while I think about friends that I've lost contact with. It may be because a song from the time we were friends plays on the radio, or I see something that reminds me of a time I spent with them. At least it makes me smile to remember them.

ps

2005-08-23T14:58:00.000-05:00

- some people get paid without really EVER working. I wonder why these people don't get fired? I don't think surfing the internet for flights, concerts, pictures, and texting/calling/IMing your boyfriend 7 out of 8hrs constitutes a full work day.

Thoughts

2005-08-23T07:57:00.000-05:00

- I talk too much without thinking. I also trust people too quickly after I meet them. I should learn to bite my tongue and wait until I get to know the person better.

- I need to stop overanalyzing, sometimes there are no deeper meanings to things.

- Sometimes I am too judgemental.

- Sometimes I am too understanding.

- I had no idea Joaquin Phoenix was River Phoenix's little brother. I see no resemblance.

Today is just a gorgeous gorgeous day. I may have to cut out of work early to go biking or something.

The weekend

2005-08-21T11:06:00.000-05:00

I went to 2 very nice restaurants this weekend. The first is Blue Ginger owned by Food network's Ming Tsai. The second is Harvest found in the middle of Harvard Square. Both restaurants are quite pricey, but the food was excellent. Ming's restaurant, like his show, has asian/western fusion cuisine. I had Seared Tuna with dashi sauce as starter, and duck with some fancy sauce. It was excellent. Harvest was contemporary American food. I had the veal kabob, followed by striped bass with creamy butter sauce.

I also went on the Duck Tour for the first time. I've wanted to for a while, but I tend not to do touristy things since I figure I can do it "some other time". It goes around the main parts of the city with some historical explanations of the neighborhoods. It was a gorgeous day, and I think my parents had a great time, so I'm happy.

I was supposed to go out to the Cape today, but since the weather doesn't look so hot, we may opt to go see a movie instead. I'm not sure which I'll see but it'll be either "Broken Flowers""40yr old virigin" or "Red eye". The Stones are playing tonight, I suppose that whole area of Fenway will be a mess. I always get them mixed up with Aerosmith. Steve Tyler and Mick Jagger look like they could be brothers. I don't know why I thought of this...maybe because everyone is talking about the concert. Hm...Oh, and on Friday there was a free Spoon concert at the Hatch shell. They were good, but I was really hungry so I left after a couple of songs. We went for pizza at Emma's in Kendall Square - excellent pizza. I recommend you stop by if you are every in Cambridge.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

I have to admit

2005-08-18T15:20:00.000-05:00

That I am totally jealous. I hate to admit it, but I just am.

In the scientific community, one of the big goals (besides "find the truth" crap) is to publish. As a student, it is not as serious I suppose, but we all do feel the pressure to produce as many publications as possible. For some reason or another, all my papers are ready to be sent out but have been held back. I've been extremely frusterated about this. So in general I am very sensitive about this topic.

So as I have mentioned before, we have people coming from other institutions do some research. And several of these people have already gotten things published. And it is totally killing me. I feel like sometimes they get priority because they are more senior (in their careers). And when they get all exited about their papers, I smile and congratulate them but then I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I HATE HATE feeling jealous, and I feel I need to be rise above the situation...but I can't help it. I am dripping in jealousy. And resentment. Its really pathetic. So today I had this happen. And I am trying to keep my cool, but I need to let it out. I feel really low for feeling this way.

PS

2005-08-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

Oh, I forgot to add...I experienced a tragic event/realization last night. I was brushing my hair (which by the way is too long at the moment) in front of the mirror and then I noticed one strand of hair that was not like the others. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I spotted a LONG ASS white hair. I've had them before, but mostly these were the kind where it turned white in the middle so the hair is half black and half white(I guess in response to stress or something) but definitely black at the root. I've had this type of "acute response" white hair for a long time. But the white hair I found last night was ALL WHITE to the root - the chronic white hair. In a panic, I quickly set up a make-shift two-way mirror to see if I had any more in the back of my head (the first one was on the top of my head). And after some investigation, I found like 8.

It is OFFICIAL, the aging process has begun...

Vegetarian Delight

2005-08-16T18:28:00.000-05:00

Today for lunch I went to Vegetarian Chinese Buffet called "Buddha's delight". This Chinatown restaurant is in a prime location, except it is always empty because it's on the second floor and the entranceway is quite sketch. This was my first time at the Vegetarian restaurant, but I had been there when it was a Vietnamese noodle place.

Anyway, the buffet was really good. The fake meat stuff is really awesome. It really tastes and feels like meat. Soy protein is amazing. There was this mock chicken coconut curry with green beans which was SOOOOO good. They also had something like Kung Pao mock chicken, and I think the "chicken" there was better than any real chicken.

I remember trying some mock meat at a Vegetarian fair once (I went since I heard there was free food). And the mock meat there was really gross. It had really wierd texture and the taste was nothing like meat. I guess mock meat technology has advanced since then.

getting back into gear

2005-08-14T15:05:00.000-05:00

I've been slacking. This blog is the first time I have been able to keep some semblance of a journal for more than 3 weeks. But old habits die hard...i've been lazy...But I shall change that begining today. Not that anything has happened...unfortunately. I have though developed an addiction to pink is the new blog (i found through Katie's blog). The guy is hysterical...however I do wonder how he has time to put all that stuff together. Its great entertainment.

I saw the strangest guy today. He was walking down the street with a folded paper towel balanced on his forhead so that his head was cocked upward. Then with one hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out an orange bottle of prescription drugs (I'm assuming). He opened the bottle and then perceeded to pop three pills consecutively into his mouth and ate it like it was skittles or something. I was a bit wiered out, so I walked quickly past him trying to avoid any sort of eye contact. STRANGE. This is the thing about my new neighborhood. I love it, but there are some sketchy characters roaming the streets. I can't decide if the area is nice or totally ghetto. I'm loving it though.

Boston weather has been wierd lately. Its unbearably humid/hot. Then we have these strange tropical thunderstorms. Right now its thundering with periodic lightening. Now, I know I am a grown woman, but I HATE thunderstorms. It freaks me out. I understand the beauty of lightenings and all, but I think there is something unnatural about having electrical bolts coming down from the sky. And thunder to me sounds extremely unfriendly. OK, so now its pouring so I think I will be stuck in the office for a while. Tomorrow I shall bounce around everyone's blog to see what people have been up to.

Relaxing

2005-08-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

I have been relaxing since the presentation, and also working hard so that I can get out of here ASAP.

Last week I went to see Liz Phair at Paradise. It was an acoustic set, so it was just her and some guy. But they worked well together and she was totally amazing. I loved it. I was really surprised at the turnout. The crowd was so mixed ranging from the younger pop-music loving type to older couples who I would I have never guessed listened to her stuff. Fortunately, she performed a lot of her old stuff so it was very very awesome.

Then on the Saturday I went to see the Sox play against the Twins. That was really awesome too. However, it was wierd to think that all the players on the field was making millions and millions of dollars. I don't know, I think athletes are overpaid. Whatever, I'm just jealous. But I loved the atmosphere of being in Fenway Park with the beer and Fenway Frank. Oh, I also so Johnny Damon's wife up close and person. She was gorgeous, but in an unapproachable sort of way.

it's over it's over!

2005-07-26T13:44:00.000-05:00

the presentation is done! Yey! It actually went pretty well. I don't think I completely answered all the questions, but I'm done! DONE! well that is until my next one...

2005-07-26T09:09:00.000-05:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All this will be over soon. Yikes.

Happy Saturday

2005-07-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

Nice sunny day today. The rain fortunately has cooled things down a bit.

Anyway, I am making the final changes in my presentation for the big day. 68 more hours and its done, good or bad (is it bad that I have a hourly countdown?). I'm less nervous now than a couple days ago. So this is good. I needed to look up a couple of things on the internet, but I'm not yet connected at home. But instead of going to work/school on this gorgeous Saturday I decided to take my laptop to the Harvest cafe to use their wireless service. Although this cafe isn't the best in town by any means, its sorta nice to work in a new location. I feel like I got lots done. Its kinda fun to work and people watch at the same time.

I hope everyone's weekend is heading off to a good start.

i'm off to enjoy the sun now.

not so bad

2005-07-22T11:37:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. Public speaking is the worst. Whenever I'm up in front of a audience, everyone looks so much smarter. I should definitely be more confident. But tonight I've decided to stop obsessing about it and go see a movie. I'm debating whether or not to go see the island. I'll probably end up renting a DVD and I'll watch it at home with a glass of wine and some cheese.

On a completely different note, I recently found the Scientology church in Boston. This whole time I thought the Christian science church was the scientology church. But the other day I walked past the real scientology center. And I saw real live Scientologists (and they look normal. I expected some sign of craziness in their eyes - maybe they still haven't been expose to the Xenu story.). They were having a little BBQ party. I walked by wondering if they were waiting for the aliens to stop by...or maybe even Tomkat!

presentations

2005-07-20T10:34:00.000-05:00

I love talking, but when it comes to public speaking its almost like I forget how to speak English. I hate it. I get nervous, my mind goes blank. Unfortunately for me, giving presentations an integral part of the PhD process. You'd think one would get used to it after a while...

So I have a big presentation coming up next week. I'm already begining to feel light-headed (I'm not sure if it is because of nerves, or due to the heat/humidity wave we've been experiencing). I'm suppose to have a practice run at it today. I'm not looking foward. Sometime I feel like I'm in the wrong business.

People have given me tips to not get nervous (ie; imagine pumpkin heads! Imagine your audience being naked). But none seem to work. I'm not a nervous wreck, but I definitely get butterflies in my stomach.

Celebrity sighting

2005-07-18T09:04:00.000-05:00

The movie "The Departed" is being shot in Boston at the moment. Last Thursday there was a buzz going around that they were gonna do a taping in Chinatown around 7pm. I dragged one of my coworkers there on our way home hoping to see a glimpse of Matt Damon. We walked down the ally where all the big movie trucks were parked. A SUV with tinted windows drove by and parked in front of the parking lot. With great anticipation I watched the characters getting off the car. An old lady, some girl with a cap, then some guy with the cap. The guy turned out to be none other than Mr. DiCaprio. Like a dork I exclaimed "It's DiCaprio! It's DiCaprio! It's DiCaprio!". Poor guy, can't get any peace. I only saw him for 5 seconds so I couldn't decide if he was better looking in person or on screen (though I don't really like him to be honest). Matt was nowhere to be seen. I guess I will have to wander the streets of Cambridge to see if he visits his old stomping ground.

I'm no Soon-Yi

2005-07-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

This weekend was fairly enjoyable. I went to some nice picnic party and a house party and met some cool people. Had great food, drank, food, drank, sleep. A perfect weekend. The sun is out, people are happy. Pretty good all in all.

There was one incident however that disturbed me tremendously. At the house party, an older guy from work who I chat with on a regular basis was begining to get too close for comfort. I guess at work we act like "pals". This may be age discrimination but I don't consider him as one of my friends, but rather a friendly coworker. He is not my boss, but his position is much senior to mine. At this party there were drinks and some dancing etc. He came by to talk to me but as the evening went on I started to feel like he was following me around. Then as more alcohol was consumed he put his arms around me and when I was washing some dishes he grabbed my waist from behind (I almost hit him with the wine glass). It was all in a friendly manner (I suppose) and I understand that there was no sexual interest behind his actions but it totally creeped me out. I tried walking away from him whenever he came to chat hoping he'd get the hint, but he kept popping up where I went. Then he asked to dance and I told him maybe next time. At one point he was trying to "teach me" how to cut cheese the proper way by grabbing my hand. I asked him to leave me alone and he was like "no i'm just trying to education you". I think it was pretty clear that I did not want him anywhere near me (my friends were trying to steer him away). Has he no respect for himself (or me for that matter)? His children are my age. I feel like he was trying to prove that he is "cool" and "hip" by drinking way more than he can handle. Next time I see him at work, all I will be able to think is "dirty old man". After the party he insisted on walking me home, but I told him I will take a cab with my friends. Though I was like 5 minutes from home I pushed my roommate into a cab. I didn't want him to know where I lived not did I want to spend another second with him.

Thoughts with London

2005-07-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

I woke up early this morning (not a usual thing) and turned the TV on. I only planned watch for 10 minutes but instead I was glued to the TV set as I watched the horrible scenes on the screen. I lived in London for 2 years during high school so it feels really close to home. I contacted people I know there and it seems that they are OK. I hope everyone was able to get in touch with their loved ones. My thoughts are with London.

Peace.

Nada

2005-07-06T19:17:00.000-05:00

Today was an uneventful day. Really, it was one of those mediocre days.

I decided this morning that I am going to start eating breadfast. The good kind (I've been known to eat icecream before running out of the apartment - I don't think that this is a good way to start the day). I want to stop eating junk food/ overly processed food first thing in the morning. I'm thinking maybe I'll try eggs/toast or yogurt/toast type thing. I need something of substance so I won't get hungry before lunch. I've asked several people what they eat, but I haven't gotten any exciting ideas (most people eat cereal. I can't do cereal in the morning).

I wonder, what do you all eat for breakfast? Any good suggestions?

The new 'hood

2005-07-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for your messages. It seems that I was worried a little prematurely. My insurance covered the towing and they are supposed to call me to let me know how my car is doing. I still have mixed feeling about them finding the car - all messed up. Oh well, there is nothing I can do. If the car is ruined, I'll get money for it...but I don't want to think about trying to negotiate the price I get. I looked up kelly bluebook, and the car isn't worth a lot(for trade-in value). Like $2000. I don't think I can get a similar car for that kind of $$$. Argh. Honestly I'm too tired to think about it now.

The move went well, on the other hand. I had no idea I have so much SHIT! Boxes and boxes and boxes of crap. I don't know when/how I accumulated so much stuff. There are some things that are utterly useless but I cannot let go of. And I have so many books it is totally out of control. I don't even want to think about moving again. I think I am going to work my way through my stuff and get rid of things that I don't need so the next time I move I'll only have like 15 boxes instead of 150 (ok, so I didn't really have 150, but you get my point). The apartment currently looks like it was robbed with boxes, tape, scissors, bubblewrap, and random articles of clothing everywhere. I'm loving my neighborhood tho. Its quite nice and there are many many restaurants to be explored.

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July with lots of good food!!!

what are my rights?

2005-06-30T23:47:00.000-05:00

Good news! The police just called to tell me that my car was found! Yey!

Bad news - The interior is partially stripped (what does that mean exactly? I imagine my car seats with no cushioning) and the ignition is popped?topped?busted? (again, i'm not entirely sure what that means, something about starting the car with a screw driver).

Even worse news - I have to pay for towing! WTF? That can't be right! can it? Does anyone know? Why the fuck do I have to pay for something that had to be done because my car was STOLEN? Does insurance pay for that? I'm suppose to move tomorrow. I can't handle this right now.

The wierd thing is, I've been incredibly mellow about this whole situation up until the call from the police. Now I'm fuckin pissed. Not just about the damn tow fee, but just the fact the car has been fucking violated. The assholes with no soul! I'm so distracted I can't pack. And I have to finish before 9am tomorrow. I'll have to go the garage tomorrow I guess to check out my car. It's gonna be so sad to see the car all messed up. OK. gotta get back to packing.

*sigh* I feel a little better.

cultural acceptance

2005-06-29T14:04:00.000-05:00

Working in the Chinatown area, I have observed several "Chinatown" habits that quite frankly I will never get used to such as projectile bodily fluids. I used to just say spitting but today I confirmed that it is not just spit that gets projected into the air. Before I explain that, the whole spitting thing. Please stop. Really, tissue and hankies are really not that expensive. Not only is it unpleasant to watch someone spitting, but its just as gross to see the spit on the ground. So what I saw today (I've seen this on several other instances and so today I officially call it a habit) was the projection of snot. This man was walking on the sidewalk and he looked like he was about to spit, but then his hand went up to his nose. With one finger he held down one nostril then cocked his head slightly upward. Then with one big blowing-nose like motion he blew snot out onto the sidewalk. WTF? A part of me was impressed that he (and other that I've seen do this) didn't get any on himself, but mostly I was thinking it SHOULD get on his clothes. SO GROSS. Is it a cultural thing? If it is, I am intolerant. I'm sorry.

THe other thing that I discovered to today was the use of the long pinky nail. Over the years, I've noticed that some Asian men grow out their pinky nail (sometime also the ring finger, but mostly just the pinky). I've racked my brain for reasons why they do this, and I've thought maybe it was to pick one's nose/ear (and other areas I wish not to think about), to sniff coke, or perhaps this is considered macho in their home country...but none of my ideas seemed right. I've asked some of my Chinese friends but they all shrug so I was starting to think that this was some sort of national secret that could not be shared with non-Chinese. But today at Dunkin' Donuts, a man with a long pinky nail was in line in front of me. And after he took his order of large regular coffee (meaning cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee), he used his nail to scratch the napkin that was stuck in the dispencer. So it seems that the nail is used to pick off objects that are stuck to flat surfaces due to friction. Not too exciting...

doesn't sound right

2005-06-28T10:43:00.000-05:00

I don't have children and the most sophisticated pet that I've had was a hamster (granted Wendy lived for long time...). So I may not be qualified to judge anyone's parenting skills however a conversation I've been having with a classmate of mine is starting to piss me off. This girl, Anna* has been dating *Greg for about 3 years. Anna and Greg met shortly after Greg's divorce. Greg has 2 teenage children (13 and 17 I think). Greg is about 14 years older than Anna...needless to say Anna has no children, in fact she is probably closer in age to the older child than she is to him. According to Anna's accounts, Greg's ex-wife is emotionally unstable, psycho-beeatch from hell. And up until about 3-4months ago, the children lived with her. But then she moved out of state and now Greg has both kids. Apparently the younger one is a total brat and gets into a lot of trouble (staying out late, stealing etc). And according to Anna, Greg is completely fed up with him. Coincidentally the ex wants the kids to move out to live with her so it seems the current plan is for them to move out at the end of the school year. Greg apparently will miss the kids but will not miss the drama.

So here's the thing. Before the ex moved out of state, most of Anna's complaints revolved around the ex and how she was still trying to get back with Greg. Also there were complaints about how the ex treated the kids and how she didn't know how to control/handle them and had no parenting skills. And since the ex moved out, Anna has complained a lot about how the kid (particularly the younger one) is totally out of control and Greg is having a really hard time with them. The more Anna talks about the kids and how Greg is handling the various situations, I'm begining to think that the ex may not be as psycho as Anna describes her. I mean, the ex has taken care of the children on her own with not much help from Greg for quite some time. I'm sure raising teenagers is not simple task and to have an ex-husband who is dating someone who is half her age can't be that easy. Sure, she may be a little unstable, but I'm starting to understand/sympathize with the ex more than Anna/Greg. I think the stories I'm getting about her is completely skewed. For the first time, Greg is has FULL responsibility of the children and he is sinking. This is what the ex dealt with the whole time. Not that Greg was neglectful, but I think there is a difference between having the children every other weekend versus everyday. He should now understand what the ex was going through. And when I point this out to Anna, she refuses to see it from the ex's point of view even in the slightest. For her the ex is the bitch and there are no other perspectives. It irritates me that Anna still complains about the ex and describes her as selfish. I think Anna and Greg are being quite selfish. So now if the kids go back to their mother, she will have to deal with them ALONE, and he will get to see them on weekends and holidays every once in a while and be the "cool" parent. And Anna will continue to bitch about how fucked up/psycho the ex is. It just doesn't seem right.

So bored

2005-06-27T13:10:00.000-05:00

I can't get anything done today. I haven't done any work. I came in and have been reading blogs all day. And its only 2pm. I have absolutely no motivation. Maybe I'll go home...

For realz?

2005-06-27T11:04:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me this link. We were talking about Scientology and not knowing really what it was about. After reading this site, I wondered why anyone would buy into it. Even when you get the to special OTIII stage where you are totally brain washed - if you have any inkling of normal thoughts you shouldn't get suckered in. I think it may be a HUGE April fool's joke. Maybe Tom Cruise and John Travolta are trying to see how many people they can get to convert just for laughs. I mean, Teegeeack, give me a fuckin break.

If it is not a big fat joke then Tom Cruise has snapped. I was never a big Tom Cruise fan but his behavior, especially the recent interview with Matt Lauer is totally freaking me out. I must confess I am enjoy watching his train wreck-like downfall. I think too much success makes people crazy. Like Michael Jackson.

Cable TV

2005-06-26T15:13:00.000-05:00

I haven`t had cable TV for about 3-4 years, and I thought I was missing out. But after having spent a part of this weekend watching TV at my parents`, I realize that quantity does not equal quality. Here are some things I learned:

1. Winnie Cooper from Wonder years was a math major in college. She still looks exactly the same as when she was on the show, but a little freakier because the baby face doesn`t work as an adult. DJ from the show Roseanne is a father and actually turned out to be quite normal. Curt Cameron is a born again Christian and has his own `Christian` website. The ex-teenage heart throb, Corey Haim, now looks like shit.

2. Food network has gone totally glam. For example, the Emeril show is like a late night show complete with a band. I don:t remember him being quite so animated...

3. MTV and VH1 no longer play music. Its all reality shows and random celebrity news. I saw one music countdown but that was about it. Where are all the music videos? I did see Kelly Clarkson`s new video...apparently it not only her music that follows you everywhere. Her video has the same effect, its stuck in my head like a really bad dream. Can someone please tell me what is going on with her outfit when she is singing in what looks to be a cemetery?

4. I saw part of inside out with Nikki Hilton (apparently she now has a new line of clothing as well as handbags). I thought she was the smart Hilton, but it turns out she is just as idiotic as her sister - we just didn:t know because she does`t get as much exposure. They are so unworthy of their wealth. It makes me angry.

Bloggers are damn smart

2005-06-22T22:34:00.000-05:00

There are times when I am reading someone's blog I get creeped out (in a good way) because the person is talking about something that is exactly on my mind. Usually they are able to express things better than I can. This happened today when I was reading Blue's blog. He writes about the advise he gave to his son, and what he writes...damn! I was getting goose bumps. Its something I have been thinking about for quite some time. Maybe around the 3rd year of grad school (that's 2 years ago), when I was losing focus and trying to figure things out. There are several things he says that struck a cord, but the biggest is when he says "The bigger picture is finding a passion in life." I actually have written an entry (that I don't think I posted) talking about wanting passion. Not just in a romantic way, but in everything. I think this is what is wrong with me these days (months/years...). I don't have passion. Growing up, I've always had a goal. Whether it be getting into a good school, meeting the right person, getting the right job. And I was always passionate and motivated to reach these goals. But as I am nearing the end of my academic training and needing to figure out what and who I am going to be "when I grow up", I have completely lost sight of my goal. I don't know what I'm passion about anymore. I don't know what the hell I've been working for all these years. I feel mediocre about everything, and I hate the feeling. If I had to grade my life now, it would be a "B", not bad but I want an "A" life. All of us deserve that.

I've also been thinking that I am taking this whole thing way too seriously. Blue writes "You only get one shot at life, why not try and enjoy it.". It seems so obvious but then again its easy to forget that point (at least for me). So these two points (finding passion & enjoying life) will be my new theme. I turn 29 tomorrow (well today now), and my birthday wish is to find passion - whatever that may be. I must say, Blue's son is VERY lucky to have such an intelligent father. If someone told me this when I was a teenager I think I wouldn't have had such a huge crisis. But then again, maybe that is just part of growing up.

Would you or wouldn't you?

2005-06-20T13:02:00.000-05:00

There was a girl sitting outside of our building with her back to the window. The window is slightly tinted but like any other normal window there is a clear view to the outside world. As I rushed past security to get some lunch I caught sight of her in the corner of my eyes. I immediate did a double take and almost got caught in the rotating door. Half of the poor girl's ass was hanging out of her low riders. I don't mean a little peak-a-boo ass crack, but almost 2/3 of her ass. Out. For the whole world to see (well the security guys anyway). Can't she feel the breeze? Granted its a nice day, but I think I'd notice if my ass was out in the open (note: my rear end is not used to seeing the light of day so it is highly sensitive to the outside environment). As I walked to get my food I contemplated telling her. I mean I would want to know if my butt was hanging out without my knowledge. Wouldn't you? During the short walk I had worked up the courage to go up to her, but by the time I got back to the building she was gone.

But then I got to thinking maybe she knew and she intended to display her butt to the security guys. Maybe it was some sort of not so subtle flirting strategy that I had never learned. The more I think about it, there was no way she didn't know she was mooning the building. It must have been on purpose. I'm quite positive that she was getting attention from the security guys - so her strategy was working. Maybe it was good that I didn't approach her. She may have thought that I was an old fart with no skillz.

One week later...

2005-06-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

So its been a week. Since my car was abducted. I think I've been in denial, I really thought it would come back. But now I accept, my baby is gone. Probably dismantled and sold by the asshole with no soul. I've been walking around all week, eyeing every green toyota that drove by. I've never had anything like this happen to me before. It is really wierd, but I feel like my car is still OK. I dont' know why. But I'll have to be prepared for the worst. I hope they find the asshole with no soul, even if my car is dead. Urgh. I'll have to buy another car. I hate fucking buying cars. Its not fun when you are on a tight budget. Fuck the asshole with no soul. I believe in Karma. I hope he slips while dismantling my car and hurt himself (or herself)... maybe he'll slit his wrist (I don't know why I keep refering to the fucker with no soul as a he, it might be a she...). I'm evil, i don't care. He stole my baby. I think I'm going to get some beat up car that noone would want next time. Then invest in lo-jack. I don't know what it is, but I've heard its good. I also have seen some anti-theft system where if someone other than the owner drives the car, it locks up and stops the engine. Yeah, i need one of those.

Sigh....I want my car BAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

endless supply of hoochie

2005-06-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

I thought Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were the teen music hos. I initially thought this was Britney. Can't tell them apart now!

OK, so the link doesn't really go to the site I was looking at anymore. It is the new Jessica Simpson "these boots are made for walking" video. There is a Paris Hilton-like bikini/car shot. But she looks so much like pre-Frederline (frederlin?) Britney.

Ghetto Chinatown

2005-06-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

MY FUCKING CAR WAS STOLEN!!! Yesterday I parked in Chinatown and when I went back it was gone. At first I was thinking it was towed, but I wasn't parked illegally. While different scenarios went through my head, I was soon praying that it WAS towed. I'm so pissed, some punkass idiot is driving my car (probably taking it apart for parts)! Dammit dammit. My car was pretty much empty except for the following: my ipod car connector, my stereo (I was getting lazy and not taking the face off), and my freakin CDs. I gotta say the CDs hurt just as much as my car.

I filed the stolen car report this morning. And the police officer (cadet) who was taking the report (by the way was kinda cute but I was in no state to enjoy - the uniform gets me every time) told me that most cars are found within 2 weeks. What does he mean exactly by "found"? Will they find it in one piece? OR will they just find the skeleton of my car? What if they drive it to Canada or Mexico? Can they find it then? They may very well take whatever parts they want and sink the rest of it in the Charles or something. This sucks...really really sucks.

I'm trying to be positive about it. Maybe my car was stolen for a reason. I can think of the following positive scenarios as a result of my car being stolen:

1. My car will be found by a super fine officer and we will fall in love.
2. I will meet a cute lawyer who will be prosecuting the guys who stole my car.
3. The car will not be found but I will fall in love with the guy who sells me my next car.
4. While searching for my car, some rich single guy will sympathize with my situation and offer to buy me a new car if I go out to dinner with him.

Yes, one of these options must happen. My car must not be stolen for NOTHING!

Bad timing

2005-06-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure when the temperature shift occurred but its freakin hot in Boston right now. The heat is fine, but the humidity is absolutely killing me. It seems like just yesterday I was complaining about how cold it was...

I've been looking for a new apartment all week, and the air conditioner in my car decided to stop working on Friday. Well, I'm not sure if it is not working or if its so damn hot that I can't tell the difference. I am hoping there is some sort of A/C fluid or gas or something that needs to be refilled rather than my A/C being completely dead. It blows semi-cold air but it ain't enough.

On a completely different note, this weekend was gay pride in Boston. I saw one parade down Boylston street on Friday. It was so festive and the people looked like they were having so much fun. In the parade, there 3 shirtless men and they all had scars under their breasts. And as I watched these men I realize that they were women. I think they got their boobs surgically removed (like a breast reduction surgery?). I guess men get breast implants so it makes sense, but I've never thought about the woman -> man conversion.

I also went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Initially we were going to see Sisterhood of the travelling pants (I'm not sure why I want to see this movie since I'm usually not excited about girlie movies) but one of my friends really didn't want to see it so we settle on the Pitt/Jolie. The plot was very half-ass but I must say they may potentially be the most gorgeous living creatures on earth. They had great chemistry (well duh.) and I don't think it mattered that the story was not so good.

Have you seen this?

2005-06-09T22:09:00.000-05:00

This infomercial for Yoga Booty ballet is the funniest thing I have ever seen. The website isn't all that funny, but the commercial...hysterical. Just the name cracks me up.

Anxiety attack?

2005-06-08T16:06:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I get a random anxiety attack...well, not that severe but I get an icky feeling in the pitt of my stomach. I think it may be some sort of reaction to my feeling of "I haven't gotten shit accomplished in life". With a birthday coming up, I am experiencing the someone-punched-me-in-the-stomach sort of feeling. It's not like I had specific expectation about where I would be at this point in my life. And it's not like I haven't reached a certain goal...but I feel like I am not where I am suppose to be...I've been thrown off course somehow.

This is getting depressing. I am going to yoga to clear my mind.

Japanese "English"

2005-06-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

I like to visit this site every once in a while when I feel like I need a chuckle. I found this website through someone's blog, and the first time I visited it I spend a good hour laughing. Growing up, I noticed these random phrases that Japanese people come up with that are just totally wrong. Sort of like some English speakers getting the wrong charactered tatooed on their arm. I remember when I was about 10 or 12 i owned a pair of overalls that had "Tramp" written across the chest. At the time I didn't know what this meant, and was horrified when one of my friends defined the word for me. Needless to say, I stopped wearing the overalls. But why would any manufacturer want that on children's clothes. Don't these people have English-speaking employees? Or shouldn't they at least run the slogans by a someone who speaks the language?

Anyway, this particular entry caught my eye. This popular boy-band is one of the pop groups created by Johnny's management - an organization that creates many New-kids-on-the-Block type groups. I'm convinced that the president of the company is a pedophile. He (well the organization) has a "school" for cute young boys (usually starting at 10-12yrs) where they are trained to dance and sing and eventually put into various boy-bands. Kinki kids is one of these bands. When I first saw them on TV while I was visiting my parents, I was rolling on the floor laughing. The two boys in the band are from the Kinki area (Southeastern Japan), thus "Kinki Kids". But seriously, why didn't anyone warn them?

Yoga

2005-06-05T08:14:00.000-05:00

This weekend is not sucking. It is gorgeous outside...80! One thing about living in New England is that you learn to appreciate the good weather when you get it. Really, it is so pretty out.

The weather was pretty much the same yesterday as well, so I went rollerblading by the Charles river. It was beautiful. Then in the afternoon I went to Baptiste yoga. This is the type of yoga that is done in a hot room (about 100F). The class is an hour and a half long, and it was fantastic. It really works your core and upper body...I am sore so I think I will have to pass on hockey and go next week. Today, I will sit out in the sun. I love summer.

This weekend has the potential to suck

2005-06-03T14:34:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what I did all week...I have tons to do and so this weekend will suck (unless I get a lot of stuff done then I'll feel a great sense of accomplishment). Some things I must do over the weekend besides work is to find a new apartment, clean my room, and finally go to a hockey team practice thing I've been claiming to go to for the past 2 years (I've been stalling since I don't think I'm good enough...but they say no experience necessary on the website - I haven't played for 10 years). Could be exciting, but we'll have to see about that.

Yesterday I was walking to the T station and was behind two young (maybe late teens/early twenties) girls who were both on their cell phones. In the past couple of years I've been noticing this new phenomenon. That is, let's all get together and talk to someone else on the phone. I just don't get it. Why are they bothering to "hang out" if they are going to spend the whole time talking on their cell? Why don't they hang out with whoever they are talking to? I understand if they are just trying to get a hold of someone to let them know where they are, but I've seen people having long conversations while with their "friends". Perhaps I am too old since I can remember a time when cell phones or the internet didn't exist. For me, talking on the phone when in the company of someone else is rude. But it seems that this is very normal for younger people. Also another strange thing is young kids with cell phones. I mean we are talking 8-10 yr olds. What's happening? I remember when I was about 16, I had to fight to get a phone line in my room. But now it seems that a personal cell phone is the norm for children. Times have changed I guess. Damn it! I sound SO old.

you know your body best

2005-05-31T23:33:00.000-05:00

This statement usually doesn't apply to me. After having lived with this body for almost 29 years, I still manage to miss the signals that my body sends to my brain. Messages like "stop eating you are full" "stop drinking you are trashed and you won't remember what you said tomorrow" "sleep now, you have a early meeting" "wake up now, you were supposed to be at work 10 minutes ago" "exercise you lazy ass, your fat cells can't handle any more burden" is totally lost on me. So oftentimes I do not realize that I am full, wasted, tired, or out of shape thus suffer some major consequences. However, there is one signal my body sends that I hear loud and clear. That is my "you are about to get your period" signal. About 5-7 days before my period, I experience chronic hunger. So I eat like a bear before hibernation. There is food in my mouth every minute I am awake. Usually these food items are those high in calorie like chocolate, cookies, chips...you get the picture. Then as quickly as the hunger strikes, my cravings halts between 12-24hours before my period starts, like clockwork. Its incredible. The wierd thing is, during my 5-7 day calorie-gorging days I am baffled at how hungry I feel all the time. My stomach rumbles if there is no food in my mouth. I walk around like a possessed woman looking for my next meal while wondering why I am so damn hungry when I just ate 2 seconds ago. Then when the craving goes, I realize "oh I must be getting my period". So last week was my foraging phase. I ate about 10,000kcal a day and gained 7lbs. Then on Sunday my appetite plummeted. Somewhere between Connecticut and Boston I got my period.

This made me wonder, if my hunger stops due to the flunctuation of my hormones would this crazy eating behavior persist if I were to ever get pregnant? I bet it would. I bet I will be one of those women who gain 3 time her body weight during her pregnancy. Ugh. Another reason not to have children.

Fashion Faux Pas

2005-05-31T21:36:00.000-05:00

I realize noone wakes up in the morning and decides to put together an outfit that just doesn't work. Most people want to look good. I must say, I'm in no position to criticize anyone since I'm not the most trendy individual (although I try). Having said that, I saw a woman today with a perfect out at first glance. She had on a beautiful knitted top that fit her body nicely (though a little skimpy for today's weather) with a nice long white skirt...the kind that is in fashion this season. Flowy, the right length and created intricately with a nice light white material. This material, though beautiful, was slightly see-through. And she had on....a BLUE THONG. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I was tempted to run up to her and tell her I can see her underwear and its not pretty. Maybe this is a new trend, to wear bright underwear under a white garment. Maybe I'm just not trendy enough to understand the beauty of the combination. But in my eyes, it was just wrong. She wasn't a large woman, but I could see (because of the outline of the thong) that her butt sagged. The blue thong invites the eyes to focus on her ass, and the ass was not perfect. I have no issues with saggy/jiggly butts, but there are ways to cover it up. So for a block as I walked behind her, I was hypnotized by the lines of the thong and her jiggling cheeks. Maybe I am a lesbian afterall.

Have a nice long weekend

2005-05-27T22:26:00.000-05:00

I am really full, drunk and tired as hell. But I wanted to stop by and wish everyone a great LONG weekend! I hope none of you have to work...I am off to Connecticut. Had a stressful day that ended with a really great meeting. Had many beers to celebrate.

Funny moment of the day. At the bar with one of the Greek visitors at work...we ordered buffalo wings and he looked at me (maybe he was drunk) and said with a straight face, "do buffalos have wings in America???" HA HA HA HA HA. He is the male & Greek version of Jessica Simpson (and he hadn't even seen the show!!!)

Oh, and i listened to the new audioslave cd...I must say its not as good as I had hoped. Chris is losing power in his voice, but its still an OK album. The last album was much better.

Lost in Translation

2005-05-26T18:13:00.000-05:00

I've recently befriended a guy from Spain at work (Antonio[not real name]). As some of my friends (all female) stop by my desk, I introduced them to him saying "this is my friend so-and-so". Apparently in Spain when you introduce someone as "this is my friend..." as oppose to "this is one of my friends..." it means that this person is your significant other. So for the past few weeks Antonio had thought that I was a lesbian with a very VERY active sex life. Even funnier is that he thought my roommate was a ROOMmate and that we shared a room...aka my live-in girlfriend. His misunderstanding was cleared when one of my male friends stopped by and I introduced him as "this is my friend...". After my friend left, Antonio turns to me with a baffled look and asked "so you are....bisexual?". I gave him a blank look totally confused and then he went on to explain his thoughts on my roommate and my multiple girlfriends. Then he said that this made sense to him because I was 28 and unmarried (which apparently is unthinkable to him - This comment reminded me of an episode in Sex in the city when Miranda was set up with a women because her coworkers assumed she was gay for being 35 and single). Anyway, I found this whole thing to be quite hysterical. At least he thought I was a popular lesbian.

Bodily mystery

2005-05-25T21:42:00.000-05:00

I was changing this morning and to my horror my jeans didn't fit me. Well, it could have if I sucked my tummy in. My waist has expanded at least an inch in the past two week (either that or my jeans shrunk in the wash). I sat down miserable and picked out a slightly bigger pair of jeans and walked to work in shame. I'm sure its some sort of bloating, yeah that's it, bloating.

After work, I promptly went to the gym. As I was walking into the bathroom, a woman came out of the stall...barefoot. GERMS!!! Why do people do this? You can buy $3 sandals at CVS, they aren't the best but they will keep your feet from making contact with aerosolize bacteria and all the other crap (literally) on the floor. YUCK!

But I digress. I was running on the treadmill and I looked down and noticed that my right boob was sweating but not my left. I had on one of those built-in bra tanks and the material was unevenly soaked. I kept running pondering why my left boob was not sweating and I came up with the following option:

1. My right boob is bigger so it is closer to the material thus more contact=more wet.

2. My posture is not good - perhaps I lean slightly to the right so the sweat collects to that side of my body.

3. I have no sweat gland/pores on my left boob.

Either way I was embarrassed to walk around the gym with my tank clinging to my right boob but not the other. I imagine this is what it would be like when women lactate and it leaks onto their blouse. After the workout, i checked out the eveness of my breasts in the mirror (after making sure noone was around) and I'm pretty sure they are equal in size. So its either option 2 or 3. Hmmmm...

"The one"

2005-05-24T16:17:00.000-05:00

I had lunch with a friend I hadn't talked to in a while. She had some bad news - she had broken up with a boyfriend because apparently she was not the "woman who can be his wife". According to him, with the right person relationship should be easy and without really talking you should "get where the other is coming from". So since they had started to argue a little he said that it was too much work. I told her he was an asshole and naive to think that way.

However his line of thought is slightly familiar to me. When I started dating (quite late in life), I had this *misguided* notion that relationships were easy. If you meet the right guy/girl you should sail right through life together without much fuss. So whenever I had issues with a boyfriend I thought I was in a wrong relationship. When I finally decided that relationships actually takes a lot of work, the my relationships lasted longer. Most couples I know have had their fair share of arguements and compromises(I've actually met one couple that claim they had NEVER had an arguement - I think they might be the freaks). So how much work should be put into a relationship really? And when do you know that the arguements aren't just small quarrels but rather huge inconsolalible foundamental differences? When/how do you know to throw in the towel or talk it through? Being single and 28 (almost 29 eeks), people have offered that my standards for a boyfriend/relationship are too high and perhaps I should lower the bar. I always nod but in my head I'm thinking "why should I?". Honestly, my standards aren't at all high...at least I don't think so. I've always followed my gut instinct when it comes to staying together or breaking up, but perhaps people are right. Maybe my gut instinct is too picky.

After lunch, my friend said that it is better to be alone than to be with a "freak" (she meant the wrong person of course). I tend to agree with her, but I know some people "settle" because it feels it is time to do so.

When did love become so fucking complicating?

Germaphobic

2005-05-23T10:23:00.000-05:00

I just read on netscape that when you flush the toilet, bacteria in the toilet aerosolizes 20 feet from the center of the flush. So if your toothbrush is left outside you probably have toilet all over your toothbrush. Then they went on the describe all the nasty crap that grows on our kitchen sponge. They recommend getting a new sponge every week or two...hm, I think we've had ours for about 3 months. And it is starting to stink. In another article I read that the dirtiest thing in a hotel room is the tv remote. Ever since then I've washed my hands after touching the remote. I usually am not so squeamish about germs, but whenever I read these sorts of articles it makes me think about proper hygienic habits...like washing one's hands. Proper hand washing requires the use of ample soap and scrub for 10-15 seconds (including under your nails). I know I don't do this most of the time, and I know that most people I've ran into the bathroom don't either. Which makes me think, all us are probably more germ infested than we think. So how sensitive should we be to article such as these? After all, it seems that I've been brusing my teeth with shit-infested toothbrush for a good part of my life. But just to avoid the bad image while brushing, I think I will go buy a new toothbrush and store it in the medicine cabinet.

I will go to the gym today

2005-05-21T14:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't gone to the gym in about 3 weeks. It doesn't seem like much, but if I let this go on any longer I will stop going altogether. I can literally feel the fat cells expanding in the belly/hip/thigh areas. So after indulging in calamari and pizza last night I am determined to go and get at least 30 minutes of exercise, hopefully an hour. I feel like if I write it down I have to keep my word. So hopefully, i'll be on the eliptical by 5PM today.

I read that Mary Kay Letourneau married her student and her daughter from her previous marriage was a bridesmaid. This story is really sickens me. Perhaps it was true love, whatever, but she was 35ish and he was 12?! That's just disturbing. I feel really bad for her children. They're gonna need a lot of therapy.

To star wars fans...

2005-05-18T09:05:00.000-05:00

This is dorky and slightly preachy, but funny.

A little comic relief?.

cost of education

2005-05-17T15:47:00.000-05:00

I recently had a "information" session at school where the admin explained the sudden increase in our continuation fee. They were very clever in raising this fee rather than tuition because most of us have tuition scholarships thus are not paying tuition anymore. But all of us have to pay the continuation fee. Though the total increase is not too much ($350), they have decided to increase this another $1000 for next year. Their explanation is that these fees are "technical fees" for computer use etc...except that I (and many of the other students) don't use many of these services as our advisor covers our cost. Anyway, this is a real pisser but there is no point in getting too angry since the decisions are final but it got me thinking again about how expensive education is in this country. OK, so I decided to go to a private school (well since I'm not American, public school is just as expensive) but it is totally out of control. I understand why some of the professional schools are expensive (med/law/dental) since they probably will be making money after they get their degrees (well, they have the potential to make money)...but even within the professional schools, if you are studying to be a non-profit lawyer tuition should be lower. If you are thinking of becoming a public health doctor, tuition should be lower. I really think that the cost of education should reflect future earning potentials. Tuition should not exceed half the average begining salary for the respective profession. For example, people who are training to become social workers should be able to go to school for free (or nearly so). Really. Education majors should also get a discount.

So, due to this projected increase I must yet again find ways to save some $$$. I have to say, I'm living a pretty comfy life...but I'm not willing to live on instant ramen, or get rid of my car/ipod, or go shopping only once a year, or go out ONLY once a semester to get educated. A girl has got to have some fun!!

If I had another go...

2005-05-16T09:49:00.000-05:00

Generally speaking, I don't regret anything about my life. I'm pretty happy with the way things have gone. However, if I had a chance to redo my life I think I would learn how to play the drums or the guitar and join a band. I went to a free Kasabian concert on Saturday and they ROCKED! I'm envious of musician as they look like they are having a blast - even if they suck. Sure, I only get to see the more successful ones in concert. And I realize that the majority of musicians are struggling, dirt poor, and have really odd jobs to make ends meet. But all of them (at least most I've met) are so passionate about what they do. And I'm sure I would have been too, if only I learned how to play the drums. I think I could've been a pretty wicked rock star. *sigh* what could have been. Oh well, I guess I'll have to live vicariously through the bands I go see in concert.

This just in...

2005-05-09T23:32:00.000-05:00

I got these pics from my travel companion. This is from Amarillo Texas, we stopped by a steak house that offered a 72oz steak. If the challenger can consume this massive piece of meat in 1 hour, he gets the meal for free. Otherwise he/she must pay $60.

The steakhouse mascot.

This picture doesn't do the steak justice. My hand is quite small but it was bigger than my face. In this picture you can't see how THICK the steak is. The meat was massive! maybe an inch to inch and a half. The last person who succeeded was apparently from Boston. Unfortunately there were no challengers when we visited...

Addiction

2005-05-09T22:09:00.000-05:00

I go through periods where I am completely addicted to certain songs, and I'll listen to it over and over and over again until I get tired and move onto another group of songs. Usually all the songs are grouped into a specific genre. Before the road trip, I went through a R&B phase (male vocalist specifically) and then onto an angry female singer phase. Each about one and half weeks long. Now, influenced by Coachella, I am in a alternative rock/Brit pop phase. Today I listened to the following: Little Sister (Queen of Stone ages), Blue Orchid (White Stripes), The Hand the Feeds (NIN), Evil & Slow Hands (Interpol), LSF (Kasabian), Feel Good Inc (Gorillaz), Banquet (Bloc Party). Really loud, over and over again on my ipod. I think I may go deaf by the end of the week. If you like this type of music, check out FNX radio.

craigslist

2005-05-08T22:58:00.000-05:00

This weekend I met with my parents, and I got the distinct feeling that they are wanting grandchildren. My mother (perhaps unconsiously) cooed at every child that walked passed us (even at the really annoying ones that were throwing tantrums). Given that there are no signs of meeting any men in the near future (ie: next week), I decided to browse craigslist. I know this is not the best option but I was curious. So here are the top three listing in boston (men seeking women):
Bachelor #1:
Hi,I am a law student at suffolk about to graduate next year. I just love being with friendly, lovely and feminine asian girls.. If you are interested in meeting a
SWM
26 y/o
5'11 (without shoes)
average built
light brown hair
greenish-blue eyes (my eyes actually change color!)
cute metrosexual

.. look no further!

Comments: "Law student...graduating" (shows commitment to education and ability to complete task. Good thing) "Lovely and feminine Asian girls" (...may be an Asianophile) 26yo (a little young) 5'11 (good height), average built (?), light brown hair (ok), greenish-blue eyes (it changes color? that's kinda cool), cute metrosexual (who says that about themselves?). Skip.

Bachelor #2:
Relatively new to Boston and since i work lots of hours i haven't had the chance to meet the perfect women or visit around. I'm looking for a nice, good looking women to have dinner, movie, sports, visit around places in Boston and maybe be a perfect match !
I'm a good looking guy, educated who work a lot and find time to go to the gym 2-3 times a week.

comments: "work lots of hour" meaning he will be unavailable? If he is going to stress education, he should check his grammar. Skip.

Bachelor #3:
Hello,
I am a man that is about to arrive in BOSTON on business...consulting, and shall be there all week through Saturday. I would like to meet a young female that has the following plan in her mind.
1. Could be considering leaving the hustle of the NORTHEASTERN region of the Country.
2. Isn't completely absorbed in Career and acquisition of 'things
3. Desires a sincere man and family at some point.

I can assure you that you shall not be disappointed with my demeanor nor my attributes.
I am thrilling once you learn about my interests, activities, motivations
ONLY a telephone no. NOW shall get my reply up in Boston as I shall not be making email available.
thanks<

Comment: he wants a quickie. I need pictures for that. Skip.

*Sigh* Maybe I should look into speed dating.

2005-05-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

They found my suitcase! :)

It must be spring!

2005-05-05T16:06:00.000-05:00

I’ve been experiencing a positive aftereffect from my 2-week hiatus. Usually after a break it takes me a while to get motivated to work and settled back into the everyday routine. This time however, I have somehow managed to find a renewed enthusiasm towards work and a positive attitude ‘bout life in general. I’m not sure if it really is the vacation or the good weather (well relatively speaking) we’ve been having (see, normally I’d be complaining that its too cold despite the sun shining). Though I am slightly peeved by the whole luggage situation, I think I am handling it better than I would have pre-road trip. However I’ve noticed that everyone around me is in feeling a bit sluggish. People come in like they hadn’t slept, and go home a little early looking completely drained. My roommate has called me around 3ish asking me if I plan to go home early every day this week (and if I was cooking dinner because she is feeling too lazy to do anything). It must be an antihistamine induced haze or something. Oddly enough, I’m not experiencing any signs of seasonal allergies. Usually this time of year I’m having all sorts of problems. Even better, I’ve finally sent out my stupid paper out to my committee, waiting for feedback so that I can schedule my presentation. I’m actually moving FORWARD in my academic career! I’ve been very productive the last couple of days. Amazing!

Even in my newfound positive state, the pessimist in me is waiting for something horrible to happen. How fucked up is it that I can’t enjoy being just happy and I feel like something bad is bound to happen? I’ll have to try to fend off my pessimistic tendencies for as long as possible.

Lost memories...

2005-05-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

AUGH. I bought a cheap ticket from LA to Boston so I was on a really wierd route. I went from LA->Philly->Newark->Boston. I also changed from US airways to Continental. I know, don't ask it wasn't the best idea. The travel itself was semi-decent HOWEVER, they lost my suitcase. Its been 3 days and they still don't know which state its in. I wasn't panicked about it but since they haven't located it as of this afternoon, I am officially starting to worry. I don't have anything THAT important...but all the souvenirs!!!! DAMN. I knew I should've carried everything on, but they told me I had too much stuff. DAMN DAMN DAMN. And its not my suitcase! FUCK. And my gold super high yet comfortable heels, my comfy black pants, all my cute halter tops.....fuck fuck. They told me I don't have to worry about it yet...it may turn up 2 MONTHS later!!! I think I need to start accepting that it is officially gone.

Pics pics pics

2005-05-02T21:25:00.000-05:00

I went to so many places. Here is the general order of cities visited: Boston MA, Harrisburg PA, Ronoake VI, Charleston SC, Atlanta GA, Ocean Spring MS, New Orleans LA, Natchitoches LA, Amarillo/Canyon TX, Santa Fe NM, Flagstaff/Grand Canyon AZ, Las Vagas NV, Los Angeles CA!! Some highlights of the trip are:

- walking down Bourbon street with well drinks chatting to a 37yr old ex con who is now a pirate street performer

- walking into the Hussler store/being carded/being entertained by the sales person who seemed delighted to show us a 13 inch dildo that can be suctioned to the wall of a shower stall so you can "put in the right position to back that thing up" (apparently can be used on a strap on since the suction part can stimulate the person wearing it as well...if you know what i mean....)

- seeing an aligator in its natural habitat, seeing a semi-tame coyote in its natural habitat

- 90% of the hotel/motels we stayed out were owned by persons with the last name "Patel"

There is much more, but I think pictures will do a better job at giving a synopsis of the trip so...

Hershey world with life-size Hershey creatures walking around the premise. AND free samples!

Magnolia Plantation in Charleston SC. It was beautiful, a must visit for all. This is where I saw the aligator and many types of birds. Big ones. It was better than I expected. If you visit tho, beware of the BIG mosquitoes!

Bourbon Street at night. My first impression of Bourbon street was that it was sleezy and smelly (beer and puke). I think I had a romantacized image of New Orleans...but the party does start at 10AM. I couldn't get in the mood til the sun went down. Well drinks are like $2 dollars (any cheap hard liquor+juice/pop combo) and very strong apparently because after the first one I was already happy.

Fried dough aka beignets at the Cafe du Monde. Very good with a cup of coffee.

Old route 66 goes through Texas/New Mexico/Arizona I believe. I don't know how much is left over.

The cadillac ranch in Amarillo Texas. This pop art installation (cadillacs painted and buried in the field) is in a middle of a field with cows grazing all around it. It was super odd, but cool to see.

The Grand Canyons. Breath taking. It was amazing!

This is the ceiling at the Bellagio (as seen in Oceans 11) in Las Vagas. This city was cleaner and so much more fun than I imagined it to be. I lost $30!!

This is Rilo Kiley and Jamie Cullum at the Coachella Festival in Indio CA. There were SO many other bands. Some others we saw were: Ambulance LTD, Snow Patrol, Razorlight, Bloc Party, Mercury Rev, Weezer, and Coldplay.

It was so much fun. I recommend it to anyone...but maybe when gas prices go down a bit (in some parts out west the gas was as much as 2.90 a gallon!!!)

Santa Fe

2005-04-26T13:17:00.000-05:00

Just checking in. I'm in Santa Fe New Mexico, and it is beautiful. We actually had to change our route (we were planning to go through the widest part of Texas, but instead we went up to Dallas/Fort Worth up to Amarillo. Then crossed to NM). I've been driving now for a little over a week. We've been bumping into different festivities at different towns. In New Orleans there was the Jazzfest...and I was thinking this is probably the one that TG was talking about in her blog!

Anyway, so far so good and all the cities/towns we visited have been absolutely gorgeous. The weather has been cooperating with us, and the drive, although tiring, hasn't been as bad as I imagined. We are heading out to Arizona now to go to the Petrified forest and to the Grand Canyons! My digital camera is getting REALLY full!!

Road trip!!

2005-04-15T19:25:00.000-05:00

I'm off in less than 14 hours. A 2 week trip across the country! I haven't seen many non-coastal states so this should be fun! Hopefully I won't mess up my friends car too much with all the stalling I anticipate. I bought myself one of those ipod car connectors. It was $80 (I got the one with the charger) since i have a 20G and my friend a mini and the cheaper ones weren't compatible for both (damn those folks at Apple! They know how to make $$). But I know this is money well spent.

So now I'm packing. Or at least thinking about packing. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to take with me. I'll have to improvise, and if all else fails I'll shop along the way (actually that sounds pretty good.).

As I think about this road trip, one thing bothers me. That is, I'm worried that I'll gain like 20lbs over the 2 weeks. Long drives are tiring, and you get the misguided notion that you've spent a lot of energy when in fact you haven't. I'm sure we'll be munching on snacks (we've talked about getting vegetable sticks, but I'm sure that won't last too long) the whole way. I'll have to take my jogging sneakers and try to get some exercise (yeah right!!). OK, I shall come back with many many pictures! Have a great 2 weeks (I'm pretty sure I'll be trying to check in along the way....)!!!

cab driver

2005-04-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

I took a cab home today, since it was getting late and I was tired and tipsy. The last few times I've taken a cab in Boston, the driver had been talking on the cell phone the during the ride. The whole time. They carry out conversations, usually in a really loud voice and a foreign language. Now, I hate it when people talk on cell phones while they drive. I think its dangerous. But I get really PO'd when a cab driver drives and talks. Not that I want to have a conversation with him, but I feel like they are not paying attention to the road. Not only that, they are working. I understand that driving a cab must be boring and stressful. Especially when they are sitting on their ass the whole day. Maybe I'm being a bitch, but its not like they are talking about work. They are making personal calls while they are on the job! It can't be right. The driver today was especially loud. He may have been making an international call and had bad connection or something, because the volume of his voice was as if he was talking to someone on the other side of a football field. Maybe I should have said something, but I was being passive aggressive and I didn't tip him. I also took down the his name and the cab company's phone number. Should I file a complaint? Or am I being an annoying customer?

How big is Texas really?

2005-04-11T23:02:00.000-05:00

I met up with a friend today to plan our cross country trip. We're leaving this Saturday for a 15-day trip from Boston to LA. We've roughly mapped out our drive, but I'm worried that we've underestimated the amount of time it takes to cross Texas. We plan to go from Houston to boarder of New Mexico in one day. Straight driving. Is that even possible? I mean Texas is the size of New England X 4. We're both used to crossing State lines (maybe even 2 States) after driving for about 4 hours. But Texas, it just goes on FOREVER!

We are taking her car which is a stick shift. I don't/can't drive stick. We went out to an empty parking lot, and I've managed to go from gear 1->2->3. But I still have problems going 3->2->1->stop->1->2. There is way too much thinking involved. I've always wanted to learn how to drive stick (I find it very sexy), so this is a good thing. Plus most of the drive is just straight, so how hard can it be? Right?

Roommate woes.

2005-04-10T12:46:00.000-05:00

One of our roommates stinks. I mean really really stinks. So much so that when he opens his door the rest of us closes ours because the stench is unbearable. His room is on the way to the bathroom, and if his door is cracked open I have to hold my breath until I'm in the bathroom door. And when he has been in the bathroom, I feel filthy even after taking a shower.

At first we thought the smell was because he smoked. I don't like the smell of cigaretts, but I can tolerate it. It is just a really bad case of BO. I don't understand WHY CAN'T HE SMELL HIMSELF????

My room is situated furthest away from his, so I can avoid him as much as possible. But my other roommate, JK is right next to him. And she claims that the smell drifts into her room making her physically ill. So she is contemplating talking to him about the smell. I know he showers and washes his clothes but the BO is overpowering. So how can we approach him without offending him? He is otherwise a very nice guy, and we would probably hang out more if it weren't for the smell. I always think about asking him to come out with us, but I don't want him in my car. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I think we'll seriously have to sit down with him.

Unfortunate names

2005-04-10T00:55:00.000-05:00

After reading about the true meaning of my nickname on Dan's blog, I've been emailing my friends to let them know that they've been calling me Foolish nonsense all this time. It turns out that some of my friends were aware of this definition but never told me. Hm....

This got me thinking about names that don't translate well when you move to another country. I met this girl once (from India I think), and her last name was Dickshit. Probably not spelled like that, but that's how you pronounce it. When I met her,
she said "hi my name is XXXX DickShit"
although I didn't want to be jouvinile about it my immediate response was:
"say again? Your last name is what?!*snicker*"
her "DickShit"
me "DICKSHIT? For real? Just like that?"
her "Yeah...why????"
me "I think I may have misheard you, can you say it once more, slowly?"
her "D-I-C-K-S-H-I-T"
me "hm...interesting"
her "what?"
me "Um...nothing....*trying hard to suppress a giggle*"
I felt like I was in 3rd grade. I'm a bitch, she probably goes through this every time. I apologize now Ms. Dickshit (I don't remember her first name).

Delicacies

2005-04-08T16:39:00.000-05:00

My mood turnaround was quicker than I expected. Maybe because I'm tired as hell, the 3 hour time difference is killing me. So instead of going out for drinks like any other normal grad student on a friday night, I am home getting ready for a nap. I think I may be aging quicker than the average person.

Just as I was leaving early from work, barely keeping my eyes open, I got caught in a conversation about restaurants in town. Being the food obsessed person that I am, I threw out a couple of restaurant names and starting describing the type of food they served. One of the guys then said, "BR, just so you know, we aren't interested in eating chicken feet". I had taken these guys to go eat dim sum in Chinatown the other day, and I ordered chicken feet. Yes, ewww to some. That's what I thought when I was first introduced to it years ago by an ex who is Vietnamese. After being exposed to it 5-6 times, I had enough courage to try it. And it turns out that its pretty good if you can get over the whole "I'm eating chicken feet" thing. So when I went to dim sum with the guys at work, they were disgusted by the sight of the claws. After that, they were standoffish from every other dish. Unfortunate, because everything was so good. After leaving work, I got to thinking about all the unusual foods that I've tried in the past. Some were good, others I will never touch again.

-Durian a.k.a stinky fruit. I don't understand how anyone can think this is good. It taste like it smells (like someone farted in your mouth), and the smell stays with you forever.
- Soysauce preserved cricket - I could only nibble on the leg. The taste was OK, but I wasn't brave enough to try the body.
- coagulated blood pudding - it tasted like iron. not recommended.
- Boiled egg with half formed chick - this was actually pretty good. The yolk part. People also eat the chick, but I couldn't.
- Horse sushi (called basashi - its like steak tartar). This is really good.
- Haggis - a Scottish sausage I think. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but it wasn't so good.
- Chicken sashimi - I thought it was some sort of white fish. It was really really good, but then I found out it was chicken and I freaked out. I'm happy to report that I did not get sick.

That's all I can think of now. Are there any interesting/strange delicacies that you've tried? OK, I'm ready for my nap.

Damn it!

2005-04-08T10:46:00.000-05:00

I tried posting last night, it worked then it didn't. Damn blogger!

Anyway, my mood went from fantastic -> shit in a matter of 24 hours since my return. Long story short, most of my work in the past 2 years has gone to shit. I was feeling OK about it before bed, then this morning a coworker trying to be sympathetic was telling me how I can generate data easily if I worked on XYZ. Though the thought was nice, it was clear that he felt pity for me. I hate it when people feel sorry for me. Really, it makes me feel shittier. Thing is, I can't get angry at this person since he has good intentions and I see that he is genuinely trying to help. However all I wanted to do as he went through the list of crap I can do to improve the situation was to knock him out so he'd shut up about it already. There are times when noone can make you feel better. Since I went from high to low in 24 hours, i'm sure I can go from psycho to sane in the same amount of time. I still have residual San Diego sun happiness left in me.

Sun and smiles!!

2005-04-07T00:57:00.000-05:00

If you have never gone to San Diego, I highly recommend it. It should be on everybody's things to do before I die list. It was above 70 the whole time (except at night). The sun was shining, people were smiling and friendly. The food was excellent. The people were pretty. It was absolutely gorgeous. Here are some pictures.

A view from my room. There was a pretty waterfall by the pool.

A view of the hotel I stayed at. It was a very spiffy hotel, much much nicer than I expected.

From a afternoon stroll. Breath-taking I tell you.

Balboa park where the SD zoo is at. I'm not sure what this building was, but it was pretty.

This was in front of the mingei museum. It might be puff the magic dragon, the abstract version (or on crack).

I'm not moving...however

2005-03-31T18:32:00.000-05:00

I'm going to San Diego for 5 days!!! Wo hooooooooooooooooo!

I just checked the weather and its 75 degrees there! Wo hooooooooooooo!

No exes in San Diego! Wo hooooooooooooooooo!

Things are looking up.

I scanned the streets for my ex every time I stepped out the building today. I tried to stay inside as much as possible. I am hoping the next five days in the sun will knock the paranoia right out of me.

I need to move to a bigger city

2005-03-30T19:00:00.000-05:00

I ran into my ex today.
Just about 2 hours ago.
He looked good.
He asked how I was.
He said he missed me and gave me a kiss.
I wanted to cry but I pulled it together.
He is not right for me so there is not point going down that road again.
I came home early.
I cried on the T.
I feel like shit.

Wanting what one cannot have

2005-03-30T00:22:00.000-05:00

So I saw the guy that I found out has a girlfriend tonight. Now that I know he is not available, he is that much more desirable. It's very messed up how one's brain works.

I work in a Ghetto

2005-03-29T15:27:00.000-05:00

This is from last night...I'm having problems with blogger.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I was running across the street, with my head down since it was raining and I had no umbrella. Just when I was stepping onto the sidewalk I saw a whitish-brownish cylindrical object on the ground. As I got closer to it I realized that it was a penis. Yes, a penis on the sidewalk. For a second I thought it was a Lorena Bobbit-type situation. But of course, it was fake. The rain was pouring down so I couldn’t stop to take a good look at it (why would I want to anyway?), but it looked like someone had bitten off the tip and spat it out onto the road (I’m sure I saw teeth marks). I asked myself, what sort of situation would someone bite off the head of a dildo (I’m assuming) in public? I can’t think of any scenarios – I’m not very creative (maybe it was white chocolate in a shape of a penis). I knew this neighborhood was ghetto but I didn’t expect to run into a used (again I’m assuming) penis object on the street.

Art?

2005-03-27T21:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend I went to a contemporary art museum. Generally speaking, I like museums because it stimulates a part of my brain that is usually not used (the creative part). However being the quasi-scientist that I am, I try to rationalize art. I’ve been told this is wrong. But, I need to understand what I’m looking at. Paintings (the non-abstract kind) are easy enough, I can say “it’s a horse” or “it’s a child and a mother” etc etc and decide whether I like it or not. Same as sculptures…However, when entering the world of contemporary art, 99.9% of the time I don’t “get” what I’m looking at. I know that you don’t necessarily need to understand the piece to appreciate it, but when presented with a huge ass panel with a dot in the middle of it, I don’t understand what it represents so I can’t form any sort of attachment or opinion about it. It baffles me when I read the description of such pieces. It is usually really long with lots of complicated interpretation of the dot, or the line, or cut…whatever. I remember I went to a Miro museum and there was one installation where there were 4 huge canvases with a single black line painted across each panel. It apparently took Miro something like 6 months to finish the piece. Personally, I think I could’ve completed it during a lunch break, but what do I know about art? Nothing, apparently.

So this museum was filled with pieces that I couldn’t understand. There were some that I liked just for the simple fact that it used pretty colors. The other visitors were all very artsy looking with their Andy Warhol hair and artsy outfits (you know the scarves, hat, and glasses - if you are a sex in the city viewer, the Alexander Petrovsky type of people). They all huddled in front of each display seemingly discussing the significance of the piece. Looking at it from different angles, nodding every once in while as if they discovered something new that they didn’t see when they were standing in front of the piece. I followed one particularly artsy looking guy and mimicked the way he was looking at each art piece. It didn’t help much. A piece of glass looked like a piece of glass whether I was in front of it, back of it, to the left or to the right of it. I must’ve missed something.

Though I understood little of the art, I left the museum feeling a little bit more cultured than when I started.

Selective memory

2005-03-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

I was reading a paper for my thesis introduction and when I was about halfway through, it all started to sound really familiar. I had a feeling that I had read the paper before. So I rumaged through my pile of "thesis related papers" and I found not just one copy, but three copies. All three copies were highlighted and one even had a separate page of notes attached to it. I think my brain is turning to mush or it is rejecting anything academic.

The annoying thing is, when it comes to school stuff I have to read, then reread then reread again but the content never sticks for any significant amount of time. But random crap like celebrity gossip, I only need to read once and it is stored in my long term memory. I'd probably remember it 50 years later. If I can process school stuff at the efficiency at which I memorize random crap that really doesn't matter, I'd have 3 PhDs by now. My brain is crap. I should look for job at People magazine.

bathroom etiquette

2005-03-23T23:26:00.000-05:00

I had a very...i don't know the word...interesting experience in the bathroom today. I walked into the stall, and locked the door and was about use the bathroom when I heard grunting from the next stall. Huh? Who ever was in there sounded like she needed to eat more fiber - she was having a very difficult time. But more than that, I've never heard someone be so vocal in the bathroom before when obviously there was someone else in the room. I quickly finished my business and walked out.

Perhaps its because I come from a country where they have little devices that play recorded flushing noise to cover the sound as you pee...but I felt a little embarrassed. And I know we all have to defecate, and it is very natural and everything but I've never been comfortable doing the number 2 when there are other people in the bathroom (especially at work). I have, in the past, ran up 5 flights of stairs to find an empty bathroom when the one on my floor had other "users". Am I wierd?

For those of you that are interested. The device that I metioned earlier is called "otohime" which literally means "sound princess". And I have seen the real thing at public restrooms in Tokyo. I'm not so sure if they have them anymore. Click here" and scroll down to "the sound princess".

another one bites the dust

2005-03-23T02:54:00.000-05:00

I found out today that this guy I met at a party that I thought was kinda cute has a girlfriend. I had a friend investigating for me (I know, SO JUNIOR HIGH right?). There are plenty of fish in the sea, she told me. Not to worry. Uh...will you so kindly direct me to this sea you speak of? I would even settle for a pond. Where are the fish?

Sidenote, did you know that the song "another one bites the dust" has a hidden message? Probably old news...

Ring Two

2005-03-21T23:07:00.000-05:00

I hear Ring 2 has been doing well in the box office. I like scary movies. Most of the time I have my close my eyes through half the movie, but in general I enjoy a good horror flick. However, for reason I can't quite explain I'm terrified of Japanese horror films. I haven't seen Ring I (Ringu?), or the Grudge (or the original Japanese versions). But now I'm curious. Maybe I'll go rent it.

Speaking of movies, I recently rewatched the movie "Singles". The DVD was on sale. I remember LOVING the movie - though I didn't remember what it was about. After watching it, I was like...huh? Why did I like the movie exactly? The soundtrack rocks. But the movie...not so much. Maybe because Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell are in the movie? Speaking of Chris Cornell, Audioslave is coming to Boston and tickets apparently went on sale yesterday. Probably sold out by now. I can't believe I'm missing Chris! WHY WHY WHY?

wine, not working

2005-03-21T02:52:00.000-05:00

I'm on my 3rd glass. I know its only been a couple hours since my last entry. But my mental state has gotten worse. The frickin wine is not working. As I b-lined to our liquor stack, I ran into my roommate, Liz. She is also single, in her later 20s. She was in a bitchy mood since she had just gotten off the phone with a random guy her parent had set her up with. A guy who lives in another state. She apparently had a 1 hour conversation with this guy she doesn't know. So we discussed about how we really need to be more proactive. But how, we both had no clue. You may be thinking, you are in grad school, there must be men at your school. Well, we are in the field of nutrition which is dominated by women. The few men in our program are either a)married b)engaged, or c) gay. So this doesn't give us much options. You may now be thinking, go out, meet guys in town (note: Boston was named one of the best cities for singles - I don't know who voted). I must admit, I haven't been actively searching (see previous post). However the guys that I usually meet when I go out are always WAY TOO YOUNG for me. Why? Well, I am 5 feet and my Asian genes make me look like I'm between 18-21ish (or so I'm told). So naturally, the men I attract are within that age range. I sometime think that if Demi can go out with Ashton, then perhaps I can go out with a college freshman...but no, i'm sorry. I just cannot. The other type of men I seem to attract are those with scary Asian women fetishes. The men in this category are unacceptable. So what do I do? Where do I go? Why do I care? Seriously, why do I care?

OK, its late. I still need to finish writing a paper. I will have to set aside my this icky icky feeling and write about dietary fat. Maybe this whole thing is my way of procrastinating?

I hate to admit it but...

2005-03-20T18:55:00.000-05:00

I went apartment hunting today and looked at 1 bedroom condos in and around town. Saw some really nice places, but all I could think about was not really wanting to live alone. Currently, like many students in the Boston area, I live with 3 other graduate students in a 4 bedroom apartment. Our lease is up soon, and I thought its quite wasteful to be paying all that rent. Thus the hunt for condos. Most of the 1 bedrooms were currently occupied by a couple. And as I looked around the rooms with all the pictures of the happy couples, I couldn't really see myself living alone. I hate to admit it, but I think I may be lonely. I just (well not just) ended a 7 year relationship in September. It was a mutual split, and I think the end was long overdue. Its been 5 months now? So I've been telling myself that its too early to date, but I miss having someone around. I miss laughing at stuff that only you and your boyfriend understands, I miss having someone who is obligated to sit with you through bad movies, I miss having someone to have sex with on a regular basis...I just miss the companionship. I hate saying these things since I feel like its some sign of weakness, but i can't help it (I'm cringing as I type this). That's how I feel. But I have a problem. I don't think I remember how to date, or how to flirt, or how to anything. Even worse, i don't think I have it in me to get to know someone all over again. And people's "don't worry, you'll meet someone" comments aren't making it any better. How the fuck do they know if I'll meet someone. I may not. I may be alone forever and live with 50 cats. And why do I (and everyone else) feel like I need to meet someone? Shouldn't I be happy alone? I have great friends, a good family, and hopefully working towards a good job. So why isn't that enough? And why the hell am i getting pissed off as I write this? I obviously have some anger issues that I need to work out.

I'm going to get a glass of wine to calm down. Fuck, tomorrow is Monday. I'll make that 2 glasses of wine.

Scopion bowl and teriyaki chicken!

2005-03-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

I went to the Hong Kong yesterday for a some drinking and dancing. People have been telling me about this place for a while, but yesterday was my first visit. It is famous for its scorpion bowl (you can see the whitish bowl in the picture - that's the one) - it was supposed to be a very very strong drink. But it wasn't. Am I a lush? I shared one with 2 other girls, and we didn't feel the alcohol. So we promptly ordered one of those shots in a test tube drinks (I think it was a blue kamikaze). Then another, then another....we soon ended up on the dance floor. While dancing, this waitress came onto the dance floor carrying a bucket with skewers sticking out of it. "Is that a kebob?" I yelled to my friend. She shrugs. Then this Snoop-dog looking guy and his girlfriend stopped the waitress and out came the teriyaki chicken on a stick. I thought the couple would get off the dance floor to eat, but no. Snoop dog and his girlfriend continued to dance, each holding 2 sticks of chicken. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. So if you are ever in Boston, drop by the Hong Kong and have a scorpion bowl (well, I actually preferred the shots/beer) and teriyaki chicken on a stick!

My wierd phobia

2005-03-18T19:29:00.000-05:00

Today at work, my coworker was telling me about a study that was done at some dentist's office where they put testosterone on some of the seats in the waiting room. Apparently women sat in the seats where testosterone was sprinkled (? not too clear on the form of the hormone) vs seats that were not (she was not sure if this was a real study). So then the conversation moved on to whether or not testosterone could be airborne, and I said that it probably was because you can smell/feel lots of testosterone in the air in the weight room at the gym. Everytime I go to a weight room, there is a Arnold Schwarzenegger-like men lifting zillion-lbs weights and clearly releasing testosterone with every repetition. I was talking about one particular guy I saw yesterday that was doing squats with a barbell carrying about 190lbs on his shoulder (i'm not sure how much exactly, but it looked really heavy since the barbell was bending with all the weights). Watching him do the squats reminded me of this AWEFUL picture a friend once showed me. It was a picture of a guy who used too much exertion doing squats that all his intestine came out of his ass (it looked like a really bad case of hemorrhoids). I'm not sure if this was a real picture or if it was done using a computer (but it looked real!). I wanted to share this picture with my coworker so I started searching the net. I couldn't find that particular picture but I stumbled upon this page: PLEASE DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH

As soon as I opened the page, I pressed the back button. However both my coworker and I were strangely curious to see all the pictures. Why the fascination? I have not idea...it's sick, I know. Anyway, one of the pictures on the website (the nail gun accident one) has me all freaked out. It reminded me of one of my very strange phobias. Every once in a while I fear when I'm carrying chopsticks that I'd fall and the chopsticks will stab me in the eyes or go up my nose. Then I get this very vivid image in my head, and I usually end up placing the chopsticks on the ground until the image goes away. So now you know...I'm a freak!

Anyway, I don't think I will be using chopsticks tonight...

.

Exercise recommendations?!

2005-03-17T17:10:00.001-05:00

To kick-start my motivation, I decided it would be a good idea to read something that is not related to my thesis, but within my field of study. So, I started browsing the new dietary guidelines for Americans (for those that are interested, click here ). The goal of these guidelines is “to provide authoritative advice for people two years and older about how good dietary habits can promote health and reduce risk for major chronic diseases”. So there is a whole bunch of stuff about various macro- and micro-nutrients. There are 2 chapters on weight management and physical activity. I had heard bits and pieces of the exercise recommendation on TV, but I didn’t know what it said exactly. So here are the recommendations for exercise:

-To avoid chronic disease in adulthood, engage in 30minutes of moderate intensity exercise daily.
-To help maintain body weight and avoid gradual unhealthy weight gain, engage in 60 minutes moderate- to vigorous- intensity exercise on most days of the week (while not exceeding daily caloric intake).
-For weight loss, engage in 60-90 minutes of moderate intensity exercise daily (while not exceeding daily caloric intake).

“Moderate intensity exercise” include walking briskly, mowing the lawn, dancing, swimming, or bicycling on level terrain.

“Vigorous intensity exercise” include jogging, mowing the lawn with a nonmotorized push mower, chopping wood, participating in high impact aerobic dancing, swimming continuous laps, or bicycling uphill.

Ok, so I think these recommendations are setting up the American public to fail. People were having a conniption when they were told to exercise 30 minutes a day, but now they say for weight loss you want to exercise 60 or 90 mintues? 90 minutes? Who are they kidding?

2005-03-17T17:10:00.000-05:00

Where is my motivation?

2005-03-16T22:01:00.000-05:00

I am a little behind on my Ph.D timeline. Correction, I am very behind. My advisor had a little talk with me today, gently suggesting that I should get may ass into gear. "don't panic" he said. Yeah huh. So much for my prediction of a productive week. I shall run around like a chicken with no head for the rest of the week.

Kids are frightening part 2

2005-03-16T00:53:00.000-05:00

I was in the changing room at my gym, and I overheard some girls talking about some "hot guys" playing basketball and how they want to do some explicit sexual things with them. As I walked out of my little corner past these girls, I was shocked. I'm hoping they were some really young looking 20-something year olds. They didn't look much older than 14. Yes I know kids mature quickly these days, but I don't think I knew some of the stuff they were talking about when I was their age. I'm an old fart.

since wednesday...

2005-03-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else, blogger hasn't been cooperating with me...not good since
writing has become somewhat of a daily routine of mine. Let’s see if I can post this tonight.

Anyway, since wednesday I had couple minor crises/panic attacks. On
Thursday, was asked by a friend to help out with her son's international night
(he is in 5th grade I think). I haven't stepped into a grade school
since...well since I was in grade school. I must say, children these days are
frightening. There were 8-10 year-old miniature adults walking (no actually
strutting) all over the place. They talk like they are 20 years old, and the
girls were dressed all hoochie...It was completely shocking. This was totally based on appearance. Inside I'm sure they are all angels...Anyway, what was
scarier to me was that the parents looked normal (ie: the whole parental influence seemed to be OK)...and young. Some of them must have been in their early to mid-thirties...not much older than myself. So with that realization, I had a miniature panic attack. Not that I want kids right now (seeing these children actually made me think I don't want any), but should I be in a hurry? WTF? Anyway, children are creepy and I don’t think I’m nurturing enough to for my future children to overcome peer pressure. Hopefully, my future father of my future children will be deluded enough to believe that “our kids” will be different.

On Friday, I went to a book reading/signing for this amazing Korean American
author (Chang-Rae Lee). I've never been to a book-signing before, and the
questions that people asked him made me feel illiterate. I felt like I was in some sort of literature class where I don’t know the right questions to ask, or the meaning of the questions that are being asked. I like to read books, but I usually read ones where there are people getting killed, or being chased by some secret society, or there is a threat of a highly infectious virus being released into the city. The whole thing was cool (I felt like the ultimate nerd for going to a book-signing on Friday night, but it was worth it). And I know I should make some really smart comment about the event, but Chang-Rae was kinda cute (a fittie:>).

The Saturday and Sunday was non-eventful. Food/wine/cocktails…nothing new. So its Monday again. For some reason, I think it will be a productive week.

Samurais and Ninjas

2005-03-09T23:11:00.000-05:00

The first time I had a conversation like this, I was confused. Now when it happens I get amused/sad/angry/entertained depending on my mood. It happens more frequently than I expect (I had an abridge version today). The conversation goes a little like this...

Person A: "Your name is pretty, is it Korean?"

Me: "It's Japanese"

Person A: "But you were born in America?"

Me: "No, I was born in Japan"

Person A: "Are you sure (I love it when people think I don't know where I was born)? You speak perfect English. Like an American. You have no accent"

Me: "Thanks, I learned when I was really young"

Person A: "Do you speak Korean?"

Me: "(pause)....?No"

Person A: "Oh, so you speak Chinese?"

Me: "(more pause)....? No, just Japanese and English"

Person A: "Is Chinese and Japanese similar?"

Me: "Not really"

Person A: "Do you read Chinese?"

Me: "...No, but I understand some of the characters"

Person A: "I see. So, do you know any samurais?"

Me: "...."

Ouch! ouch ouch!

2005-03-08T15:28:00.000-05:00

New fashion trend from the Netherlands.

eyeball Jewelry

I don't know what to think....

Tongue Splitting

Give me 5 minutes!

2005-03-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

We've recently had an influx of new people at work. However, our workspace has not expanded. As a result, we are packed together like a can of sardines. This generally isn't a problem...except in the morning. There used to be an empty desk between myself and our office assistant which meant that I was left alone allowing me to create my own little bubble to work (or browse the net) in peace. That desk is now occupied. This morning I got into work at 9am (a little early for me), and the new guy (the occupant of the once empty desk) was like "good morning. Do you want the data I talked to you about yesterday? Did read that new article about blah blah? Do you have a copy of the paper you've been working on? Do you have time to look over the minutes from the meeting? Do you...(I phased him out)". I hadn't even taken off my coat. I understand he is new (this is his fourth day) and wants to get thing going...BUT, every morning I need at least 5 minutes, preferably 15 minutes settle down. This includes important things like connecting my ipod to the computer, making coffee, checking email, chatting with my coworkers, drinking coffee, reading gossip columns etc etc. Seriously, is 5 minutes too much to ask? This crazy gong-ho before caffeine work behavior must be stopped, at least for 5 minutes...make that 15.

Crap!

2005-03-06T14:39:00.000-05:00

I had a pleasant Friday night. Had a couple of drinks with people at work (well, school, but I tend to call school "work"). After happy hour at the bar, three of us continued the evening at one of the guy's place. Both of them are visiting scholars from Europe (Spain and Greece) and quite a bit older than I am. We talked about life (you know like "why are we here" type of stuff...I'm still trying to figure out what they were saying...they told me I'm too young to understand...quite frankly, i think i was too drunk to understand), and they talked about why they came to America for their sabbatical etc etc. Then we got to talking about the people in our lab...and this is where I think I messed up.

There is this girl in our group...she is one year senior to me (in terms of school). Over the years I've come to the realization that she doesn't work (or she is really good at hiding it). She somehow gets other people to do her work then she claims it as her own (this is my theory). She has at least 6 publications, however to this day she asks me some really basic questions that she should know the answers to if she truely has done the work that she's published. So this has been bothering me immensely...maybe I'm jealous - whatever it is, it doesn't sit well with me. So until this Saturday, I haven't really talked about it with anyone from our group. But with all the wine, and free flowing conversation I let everything out. I trust these guys, but I feel I've messed up. Why did I open my big mouth???? I read somewhere that you should never gossip about your coworkers to other coworkers. I'm sure this is a basic rule that everyone except me knows. I should be more careful next time. Meanwhile, I shall continue kicking myself for the rest of the weekend.

2 hours and 26 minutes

2005-03-04T17:07:00.000-05:00

Until the begining of the weekend (when happy hour at local bar begins)! I have lost all motivation to do any work until then. I can't even pretend...I shall keep work/school-related windows open just in case my advisor walks by. I have about 3 papers I should be working on...but that can wait i guess...they're already late anyway (my work ethic sucks). Ok, now 2 hours and 23 minutes and counting! Should I have a stout or an ale? Or maybe a cocktail...cosmo anyone?

A new discovery

2005-03-02T20:30:00.000-05:00

I've been busy for the past 2 days, doing last minute preparation for a presentation (why don't I ever learn to do things ahead of time???). I've always sworn to be more organized, but it never happens. But I digress.

My main reason for this entry is a new discovery I made (maybe new only to me?). I was talking to this African American woman that works in our building and she had a catalog of various undergarments. Different kinds that pushes things up, and hides the unwanted flabs...And one of the things on the catalog was underwear (or panties) with butt pads! I've seen bras with pads, but booty enhancers?!?! When my coworker saw my surprise she winked and said "some perky booty you see...they might not be real!". I've heard of butt enhancing cosmetic surgery, but had no idea you can purchase a perky booty for $29.99! I immediately went back to my lab to share this new discovery, and my labmate was like "yeah...didn't you know?". I wanted to post a picture but I don't know how to, so here is a link (google "butt+pad+underwear"). Amazing!

http://teddygirl.com/butt-enhancer.html